Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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