One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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