I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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