i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
