i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
