Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
