you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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