he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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