No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
