Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
