We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
