he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
