do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
