I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
