And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
