is your mom at the bar?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
