I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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