I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So squirting runs in the family.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
