"it" just moved
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
