if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
