I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I could fuck to npr.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
