remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
