Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
