I just made out with a guy for $7.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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