is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
