oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
