Umm I'm too high to move.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
