I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
