OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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