I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
