well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
