i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
