Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
