oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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