Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
