You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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