Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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