I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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