I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
