i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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