My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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