I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
