Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
