I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
