Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
