well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
