Soap is not a condiment
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
