I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
