You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
