How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
