I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
